allergies...

shoot me now is how i have been feeling this week. ever since we started cleaning the new middle school in bozeman i have been in allergy h***!
-my nose is so raw & sore from blowing my nose so many times
-my throat is itchy & red from all the gunk in my nose
-my eyes itch, water & now are raw because of rubbing them so much, which is great for days i have make-up on ya know!
-i sneeze uncontrollably
-i can't sleep because my head is so clogged

i'm sick of this. i didn't have allergies until last summer. when i went to CO they compounded into this massive rush of symptoms. i called the dr. from here & he called in 3 different medicines. now i can't remember which they were except for the flonase spray. w/ my insurance it was still $80.00 & now since we don't any longer have medical insurance (which is a whole other story in itself) it would cost me nearly $500 to get relief for a month! insane! there are times though w/ these symptoms that i would pay it in a heart beat. that's a lot of money! so, today, chloe & i went to albertsons & picked up some zyrtec D & saline spray...i'm so hoping to get some relief. i can't stand it anymore! i've been just taking benedryll for sinus & nasalcrom spray...but i'm at my wits end now. and why in the world did i have such a late onset of this? isn't 33 too old? LOL i wish it were!

so i've been working all week. cleaning the new middle school. it's seriously kicking my butt. i spent 2 of the days this week on a ladder scrubbing frosted covered windows, wiping frames of doors & windows & cleaning regular windows. this school is over 120,000 square feet. we have to clean it from head to toe. i seriously don't know how we'll ever get it done. they are still building it as well...some of the bottom floor just got windows, there is no flooring on the bottom floor & it's ongoing. the teachers want to move in this coming week. um, yeah right! there is nothing worse than having to clean around people.

i'm going to try & get home to CO...it is truely killing me that i've declined to visit because we are trying to get our bills paid off. also have to pay off my parents & buck's sister that we had to borrow money from because the CAR business is so stinkin slow right now...especially for a dodge dealership! we're finally caught up at least w/ everything. i brainstormed yesterday while working @ andrea's house...there is 2 years+ of photos that i haven't sb'd for her. i'm going to see next week if there is either some type of sb'n or computer work for mike's minerals i can work on since they are out of town so much this summer. hoping i could work on that during the evenings & weekends to earn enough money to go home for a week. like a wednesday to wednesday. it will wear me down but i want to see my family so badly. i haven't been home since last june when my aunt passed away. i have another aunt, my aunt that passed...her sister, is now sick w/ "womens" type cancer. she's doing chemo 2x/week...she's lost so much weight. she is suppose to get more tests done this coming week to find out if the chemo is having any effect on the cancer or if it is continuing to spread. then depending on that...if it has spread then they will try another alternative, which i'm not sure what the options are, or if it's decreased then they will continue w/ the chemo. i would really like to see her...before it may be too late. this aunt is my grandma's sister, she is the one sister who holds my mom's side of the family together, she is the center, i can't imagine comforting my grandma if she should leave us. it would really take a huge toll on my grandma...don't even want to think about that progression...but it is there...daunting me.

another issue of the week...
the babysitter situation. i have a almost 13 year old watching the girls while i'm at work. she is one of brinley's best friends sisters. she is so good w/ chloe. the only problem is that chloe is now calling me janelle instead of mom. it kills me to know that she is calling me by my first name instead of mom...and that i can't be with her right now during the day because I HAVE TO WORK. buck & i both had a sense after a few days that the girls were just basically having a free for all day while we were working...so we've had to implement more rules. each day brings more rules & guidelines. with each passing day i hate more & more being away from my girls. with each passing day i get more out of debt. with each passing day i am more tired. with each passing day my house and laundry goes down the drain. with each passing day i am trying to stay caught up. with each passing day buck helps me out more w/ the house stuff. with each passing day i miss my family more. with each passing day i feel further & further distanced from the stuff i love doing...like scrapbooking, talking with friends & being with my girls. with each passing day...